mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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