Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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