I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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