Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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