I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
