just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
