Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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