How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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