shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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