hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
