You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
