Those balls look pretty dangerous.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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