i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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