I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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