you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
