she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
