Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize