i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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