have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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