So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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