So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
