I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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