Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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