It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So vagazzling was a success
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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