thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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