Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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