Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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