I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize