The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
