blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
two words: eviction party
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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