shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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