Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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