Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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