I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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