I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize