Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
