Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
