Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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