You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You smell like stripper and shame
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
