u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
