I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
