How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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