"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
