Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
