Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
