every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
