girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
