I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I could fuck to npr.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
