Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
