I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
