1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
