You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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