Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Don't make out with my wife yet
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
