I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
