12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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