I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
