I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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