The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
