just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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