Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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