I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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