There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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