Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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