You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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