My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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