Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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