i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
