my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
