when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
