So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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