dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have fence marks all over my body
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
