I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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