Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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