rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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