I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I died a long time ago.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hippo gnu deer
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
