Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize