my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
