..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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