the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
pray to the hookup gods
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
