I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
