Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
