I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think my vagina is haunted
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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